I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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