She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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