WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You ate ashes out of my bong
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
