he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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