i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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