the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
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