Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
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My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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