I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Randomize
