No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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