Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
