I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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