I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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