i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
