Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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