Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
pop tarts are not kleenex
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
