I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Randomize
