Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
