I'm jealous of your bromance
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
