I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
