thus making me awesome and them whores
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I supernannyed him into submission
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
