I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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