I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
