im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
