I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
