I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
