If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
