we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
