The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
