You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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