I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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