He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
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Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
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And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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