the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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