Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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