While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
