Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
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