I heard we made out
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
