my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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