I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
