the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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