i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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