this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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