I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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