just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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