twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
