hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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