obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
