I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
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i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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