I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
