I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
