she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
