I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Randomize