3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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