possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
