Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
