it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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