I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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