I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
