i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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