We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
