Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
