The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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