On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
