Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
