the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
