im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
