There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
