oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
